It is impossible for any relationship to stay the same, either it will become better or it will become more bitter.  Most couples report that they fight about silly things and  many times they can't even remember what they are fighting about.  Most issues that couples have don't have anything to do with the challenges that they face in everyday life, instead, it is how they approach the problems together.  The first question that I ask of partners is, "what does your partner do to trigger you?"  Most often, the trigger is because of a deeper unresolved issue or misunderstanding and the cycle of bitterness continues.  How partners communicate with each other is the key indication of the success or growth of the relationship.  I show couples how to communicate effectively by actively teaching healthy skills of listening and responding.  In most cases, each partner has become used to defending the self, instead of really listening to what the other has to say.  They are not hearing their partner, but instead getting prepared to let their partner know why he or she is wrong and they are right.  Being able to really understand and get the other person's perspective is the key to growth.  Self-responsibility is imperative, that is being able to look at the self and understand how he or she is contributing to the problem.   Couple's therapy can only be successful when each partner is committed to the process,  their minds and their hearts are willing to be open and they approach each session with honesty and humility. 

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